It's been a while since I've written on here. I used to write everyday.
Lots of drama. And for once I'm not even a part of it. Or at least I feel like I'm not a part of it. Emilie has some major figuring out to do, because right now for some reason she is making a lot of people upset. Part of it, granted is me. And I realize and understand that, because for as great of friends we've become this year, it's taken her away from her other friends and they are not okay with that. But there is other stuff that she is dealing with right now too which is getting to her.
It's really the same thing that I've gone through with Hillary and for the same reasons, in fact.
We're back to having meets every weekend. On Saturday, Mason is coming and it's our last competitive meet because Drexel and Loyola will not be challenging and Pat will probably have us do off events. If we go undefeated in our conference this season, it will be the first time in Towson history that the women have done that.
This year is different than last year in the fact that last year at this point, I was not on the conference team. Pat had created his list of 18 women and ranked us in order to let us know where we stood. Last year going into the Mason meet, I was 22nd. Granted Pat has not done that for the team this year, but I'd say that I've proven myself both in CAAs past as well as this year. No, I may not be going season best times right now. I may not be going as fast I was in October. But I am ranked in the CAA higher than I have been the past two years. Right now, I am scoring points for the team. I was not doing that last season in January.
In other words, I'm confident that come February 27th, I will be on deck at Mason competing for a conference championship.
Finals are finally here. In five days, I'll be done with the semester and I feel like it's taken forever to get to this point. So many things have happened this semester, and there's a lot of memorable moments and moments that I will never ever want to remember.
I've gotten to the point where I don't want to deal with bullshit anymore. It's something that I don't need in my life. I create enough problems for myself, I feel enough guilt because of my own conscience, I feel enough pressure from myself. I don't need someone else giving me grief for not doing something. Or doing something wrong. Or not caring enough. Because apparently, I don't.
I'm not a mind reader, and I'm really tired of having to worry about whether everyone is happy or if everyone is doing the right thing. I wish people would take responsibility for themselves, worry about themselves, because I'm sick of doing it for them.
The Caps game was awesome last night. As we were watching pregame skate, I said to Erin that I had a good feeling about the game. 60 minutes of great hockey later, a 6-3 win. Greenie was #1 star with two great goals and Niklas had a GREAT game with a goal and two assists. We were at the tippity top of the arena in the very last row, but still a great game. The crowd was really great too, I think. The wave even got started during the third period.
I've got to finish my papers. But I just can't.
I don't know when things got to this point.
A horrible week in the pool, followed by a weekend of bad decisions, followed by a Monday which saw a captain quit?
What happened to our team from October? I don't know how we got here. I don't know how to lead us out of it.
I can't make everyone happy. Including myself.
I can't believe Jill quit. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. She has had zero contact with any of the team since Monday. The only explanation that I've gotten is what she told Pat. I've emailed her, and I haven't gotten a response. No "Sorry", no "I just couldn't do it anymore". Nothing. I've gone through the stages of grief. I couldn't believe it at first, I felt like she was just missing practice for a class or something. Then I got angry because she hadn't talked to me. Yesterday morning, I started getting upset and was reminiscing the past two years. But I've gotten back to the anger, because she has yet to email me back, yet she has time to respond to Gordon's message to her through facebook.
Is it just me? Am I overreacting? Ok. Forget me for a minute here. But the TEAM. The girls who looked up to her for advice, the freshmen who followed her leadership? I can't imagine doing this to them!
It's snowing outside. In ten days, I'll be in Florida for training trip. The semester will be over, and with it I'm going to forget the drama and problems that came with it.
We're starting over in ten days.
I super suck at updating this thing right now. It's not like I don't have things going on. It's not like I don't have things that I need to talk about or get off my chest.
I just can't seem to find the time.
Today was stressful in the worst ways. The first day back from a long break always is.
And to add to it, I had my debate/presentation in CFP. Being the first group to present, we were cut some slack , but that didn't mean that I didn't obsess about it all night and day, up until the first five minutes of class.
Practice today went well. Pat had us reevaluate our goals and he kind of gave us they kick in the butt that we needed. Yeah, we're good. But the other teams in the conference are that much better as well. It's gonna be a dog fight at conferences and we've just got to be ready and aware that it's not going to be easy.
I'm trying to be get excited and positive again like I was at the beginning of the season. That's just something I have to do. I have to fake it until it becomes real.
LETS GO CAPS. Game on Dec 8th!!! I'm so excited. We're making a day out of it. Heading down to my house after practice Saturday morning, maybe eat at the Vietnamese restaurant for lunch?!, then we're driving to the Largo metro station and we're gonna get to Verizon before the game even starts cause DUH I wanna be down by the ice for pre game. :-) So stoked.
So far, so good in the Bruce Boudreau era!
Welp. I guess I should stop expecting things. Because when I do, I only get let down and disappointed. Mostly in myself, but that's irrelevant.
I don't know how I lost my timing in a matter of a week, but I can't swim backstroke right now to save my life.
The worst backstroke splits of my life this weekend.
:36??!?! Let alone a :37 in my night swim of my 400. I don't even know where my head was at.
I can't fathom the idea of that right now. I think the last time I swam a :37 in my IM was when I was 16.
I have no explanations.
Only questions and thoughts running through my head.
I can't even fathom practice this afternoon or tomorrow. Yesterday I could barely swim without feeling like I wanted to cry. I think I was just exhausted from the weekend still and having to stay up until 3 yesterday morning to finish my CFP paper.
It should be worth it...
The semester is almost over and soon I'll be in Florida soaking up the sun between doubles and riding rollercoasters all day. Right now, I can't wait to get down to Training Trip, and once I'm down there for a week, I'll be ready for Christmas and to get the hell out of there.
Fall Out Boy was ridiculous, of course. Everyone was actually really good. I loved Cute is What We Aim For and Gym Class Heroes was awesome. Pete was still so good even with his boot. He came out with a tail. I LOVED the acoustic Golden and Gin. I seriously have a crush on Joe and that spin jump that he does.
Bucknell this weekend. I'm a little off on my times and where I wanted to be this year at this time, but we're resting this week so I'm looking to go faster than what I did at ECU three weeks ago and I'm pretty confident that I can hit my times that I need and want.
A week from today, at this very time I'll be in the car driving home for break. I'm so excited cause it's like the first time since Spring Break that I'll be home for this long. From Wednesday until Sunday. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself!
Schoolwork is seriously stressing me out. It shouldn't be because I'm a smart enough girl to get by solely on studying for a test an hour before I take it. But I don't know. Recently, I've been stressing about every paper, every test, every quiz. I just want to take different languages courses. Forget this history or economics. Instead of reading about stuff I really don't care about, I'll just study verb tenses and grammar and practice speaking the language.
I'm taking Chinese next semester. Along with Advanced Composition French. I'm pretty excited.
We're going after ECU this weekend. No sitting back. No backing down. The ECU coach called Pat on Monday and congratulated him and the women's team on winning the CAA Championship this season, stating that "it's obvious that no other team in your conference is even close to your level."
First thought, WOW. What a compliment, to Pat and to us. Second thought, Dude. It's only October. So many things can happen.
Every other team in the CAA thinks we're shaved down and tapered right now. They just don't want to accept that fact that we're running this conference so far this season.
I talked to John the other day. I think we're good. We kind of just talked like normal friends. Every now and then, he'd try to turn on me. Saying stuff like "I miss you darling" and telling me to drunk text him more. (Never mind the fact I haven't been close to drunk since July.) But we're friends. Just friends and that's how it's going to be.
I'm in class right now. Perhaps I should be doing work...
Another crushing win by the hands of the Towson Lady Tigers.
My first event win against a conference team.
Road trip to ECU on Friday. It will definitely be a hard meet. They crushed William and Mary yesterday so it will be a tough test for us on Saturday.
Caps...come on boys. Step it up. They played better last night, so I heard, but still need to start winning again.
You should check out this link.
It features the kickass women's swim team at Towson. Who, as a matter of fact, beat defending CAA Champion William and Mary on Saturday...
Yeah that's right.
I didn't do as well as I wanted to in my events. Although, I am pleased with my relay splits.
ps. Yeah. I'm now going to be friends-only other than random stuff. I want my more personal stuff to be private. So chyeah.